Changing Winds and Falling Rain

So, I haven't blogged since the days when Myspace was new and everyone felt connected. Now we have Facebook which is far more user friendly and allows us to know everything we want to know about everyone on our friends list and a whole slew of people who are not. I guess I want to see this as a new place to hide out and vent when I am tired of being so public elsewhere? I live and work in a world where communication is tightly controlled and I don't generally offer up a lot of information that I felt other people do not need. Especially working in a hospital I have patient confidentiality issues to concern me too. Now, life ha become all about networking. Whereas before life was more about fun. As I get older I realize it really is who you know not what you know and that pushes you up the ladder and opens more doors for you in life, professionally and socially. I think the hard part about anything in all of this is finding where we fit. My frustrations at this point in life, I'm 28 by the way, are that I think I want to settle down. I'm not sure how, or how soon, but I know I'm getting to the end of wanting to drink all the time, and not have anyone to share all of my successes and failures with. Now, having said that, I also realize the importance of children and creating a stable family environment in all of this too. I think my personality lends itself to wanting to pour itself out and be shared with so many other people. I'm boisterous, I talk, all the goddamn time. I have opinions, ideas, warring thoughts that need someone to be bounced off from. As I said, I am a thinker, it's what I do best. I look for solutions and clever ways to ties everything in life together. I want someone special to share that with. I'm tired of waking up alone and not being able to smile at someone laying next to me. On that note too, I crave the physical contact that goes along with all of that The intimacy that can only be shared behind closed doors between two people who love and adore each other. I think I miss being loved the most. I have had some rocky relationships to say the least but they don't deter me from wanting to keep trying, but that's just it, everyone complains they can't find that person but then they won't ante up. A random guy asks a random girl to dance or to go out to dinner and she immediately backs down from the thought she was just stressing to her friends. Really? You're going to pass up the chance to try and connect with another human being? Really? Why? What is so scary about the idea that maybe life won't work perfectly? I'm not saying go out with every person who makes an attempt but for the love of God have some conversations with them, you might find that you'll be attracted to them for so many other reasons than you ever could have thought of. The nuances of humans as a whole are so amazing. The idiosyncratic things that we all do while we're talking or listening. Gestures, body language, these are the things I fall in love with. Mannerisms that can't be stopped because they are reflex. I'm just saying, I think people need to try to love more for what is all around in that person not just initial impression. I have met people I was not attracted to originally and found they are some of the most beautiful people I have in my life. It's an odd feeling to be overcome with the idea that someone who isn't pulling you toward them with looks, snags you with personality. I love that feeling, it's like being high, I love someone who surprises me into being infatuated with them. It happens a lot to be honest. With an open mind it should, because only with a closed mind would anyone miss those things that truly make up a person. I guess what I want is or someone to see those things in me. I feel that my strengths are so overlooked by the faults that I am never allowed into the room, let alone invited to sit down and have the conversations I previously mentioned. Humans are creatures of habit and as such we crave companionship on a natural basic level, it surprises me that so many turn that down in favor of loneliness. On a psychological level I guess that it's fear that keeps us from putting ourselves out there, but still....every once in a while you just have to..do it. This has been on my mind a lot lately. Obviously, I could ramble on forever, it's just a matter of response and input. Hope someone reads this, and comments, I love criticism, I love people taking the time to talk to other people.